Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I'm feeling really emotional right now...in the good way!  As I sit here researching for my Human and Family Development class, I'm feeling my baby move in my womb.  This experience is a current manifestation of my future.  I cannot wait to meet my precious child.  I've wanted to be his mother for as long as I can remember.  Love for him has been building so much over the years, and I finally feel his life within me. 

I'm studying to get my Master of Arts in Counseling Degree, because I want to follow my dreams, so that my son will follow his.  Of course, at times, I get scared that I won't be able to pull all of this off, but I won't let that stop me.  My dad once told me to live the life I hope my children will, so I'm following the call of the Holy Spirit.  I'm trying each day to listen to the LORD, love Him with all that I am, and love the people He puts in my life.  That now includes my son.  Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God

I just found this in my saved drafts...I don't know why I never posted it...surely someone out there will understand.

I love 90's rock music.  Seriously.  It makes me feel like I'm sitting in a warm coffee shop reading, writing, thinking about, discovering things that matter, truly madly deeply...or maybe walking in fields of gold.  When I was in 7th grade (in the late 90's), this punk that every girl was "in love" with, told me I liked "depressed college kid music."  I was like, "What does that even mean?"  I guess I get it now.  I'm uber emotional.  And I like it.  When I feel like I've discovered some deep truth, I just want to save tonight and fight the break of dawn.  I mean, I was emotional before it was cool.  It started in the 90's and carried on with a vengeance.  I was a hardcore romantic as a kid.  Artists in the 90's actually spoke to that part of me, what, with their actual talent and poetic lyrics.  The flannels, t-shirts, ripped jeans, and long hair didn't hurt either.  That low-key grungy look is appealing to this low-maintenance girl.  The invitation to come as you are, yeah, that's good stuff.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Step Out on the Water. Keep Your Eyes on Jesus.

So...it seems that Satan has taken it upon himself to attack me in every way he can in the last few months.  As a result, my search for balance went by the wayside.  For instance, today Dustin and I were talking about how I don't do things that bring me joy if I have responsibilities to attend to or things to worry about.  I have a lot of reasons for behaving that way that are rooted in the past, but that doesn't make it right. 

I was so excited about the future, and when it started coming at me faster than I realized, I panicked.  I let Satan get a foot-hold through fear...one of his greatest tools in my life.  I feared I wouldn't be able to keep up with work, school, and pregnancy (and truth be told, I've had to take some time off of work).  I feared we wouldn't have enough money.  I feared I wouldn't be a good mom.  The point is, I feared. 

Once again, I let Satan tell me that being me simply isn't good enough.  Why did he have that chance?  Why did I listen for so long?  Because I took my eyes off of Jesus.  Just like Peter, I feared the storm instead of trusting in the One who could calm the wind, the waves, and my heart.  Once again, I've learned my lesson.  I'm looking back to my LORD who has incredible plans for my life.